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Submitted on
November 3, 2013


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“EVERYBODY!” Hanji comes bursting into the common room, waving her arms excitedly in the air. “Look what we got!”

Poor Moblit follows after her, huffing and puffing under the weight of two giant boxes. You jump up, grabbing one of the boxes from him.

“Thanks ____.” Moblit gasps, wheezing and panting.

“What is this?” Armin asks, examining the box.

“It’s a TV and a Game Cube!” Hanji says joyfully, opening them up. “The upper brass gave them to me. They think that we could try channeling Eren’s inner…..rage into these games, which might help him control his titan form better!” She beams ecstatically.

“Interesting.” Jean says, pulling out the TV and Game Cube. “What game did they recommend?”

Mikasa walks over, pulling out a thin box. “Mario Kart: Double Dash?” She asks, her brows furrowed.

“Oh, I remember that game!” Eren laughs. “Remember Mikasa, Armin? We used to play it all the time!”

“Oh, now I remember!” You snap your fingers. “That game is a classic!”

Jean chuckles. “It really brings back memories, eh?”

Levi walks in, turning his head from Hanji to the five of you. “What are you brats doing?” He asks, sounding bored.

“The upper brass recommended this to Eren. They think it might help channel away his inner ….rage….and help him control his titan form better.” Hanji replies.

“Heyy, I don’t have that much anger issues!” Eren protests, his turquoise eyes widening innocently.

“Tchhh…sounds like a waste of time.” Levi rolls his eyes.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun! Moblit, go plug in the TV and Game Cube!” Hanji orders. Within minutes, it’s set up and ready to go.

“So, shall we begin?” You rub your hands gleefully.

“What, from what I recall, we can pair up, right? One person drives, while the other fires items. That means we have an uneven number.” Jean says, looking around.

“I know!” Hanji snaps her fingres. “Levi, go play with them!”

Levi stares back at her. “Absolutely not. Why don’t you?” He says sharply.

Hanji grins. “Moblit and I are off to do some more experiments. See you!” She drags Moblit out of the room before anyone can respond.

“Please Levi?” You give him your best pleading look. “It’ll be fun. I’ll be your partner?”

Levi exhales loudly. “Fine, one game, got it?” He snaps.

“Yay!! Heichou’s going to play with us!” Eren claps his hands enthusiastically.

I’ll finally get my revenge. Mikasa thought, glaring darkly at Levi.

Armin grabbed the controller and clicked through the menu. “Let’s choose characters!”

You examine the characters on the screen. “Hmm….” You ponder thoughtfully. So many choices.

“Hey Jaeger.” Jean tosses to Eren. “You should be Princess Peach, since you get kidnapped so often.”

“Hey shut up Horseface, why don’t you be Bowser, since you’re both ugly?” Eren shoots back at him.

Jean just smirks. “You know what, I think I will.” He turns to Armin. “Who are you going to be?”

Armin looks thoughtfully at the screen. “Hmm….I’m think I’ll be Toad.” He decides. “He’s lightweight, and we get that Golden Mushroom Special, which lets us go even faster than normal.”

Eren stares at the screen. “There’s no one good!” He whines.

“Eren, just be Princess Peach.” Mikasa says exasperatedly.

“Fine.” He grumbles.

Mikasa brightens. “Then I’ll be Mario, so I can protect you.” She says smugly.

“Mikasa, I don’t need your protection!” Eren exclaims.

While Mikasa and Eren bicker, you looked over at Levi. “Who are you going to be?” You ask.

Levi frowns. “I’ll be Paratroopa.”

You laugh. “Well ok then. I guess I’ll be Diddy Kong”

Levi looks at you like you've gone insane. “Why do you want to be a monkey?”

You lean over, whispering to his ear. “You get the trio shell special, and I get the giant banana. It’s perfect; we can use the shells to attack people, and the bananas for defense.”

Levi smirks. “Good plan.”

With everyone decided, Armin continues to the stage menu. “Let’s do Princess Peach’s Beach, in honor of Eren.” He announces. Eren shoots him the finger, still disgruntled.


The game starts, and every takes off.

“Damn it Mikasa, why won’t we go!” Eren asks frustratedly, smashing all the buttons.

“Eren, you have to press A to accelerate.” She replies patiently.

“I knew that. It’s coming back to me now, don’t worry.”

You and Levi shoot ahead, in second place. You can see Bowser and Toad on the screen, just a little bit in front of you, inching ahead.

Levi guns forward, driving the kart into the first question mark box. A trio of red shells appear. Perfect. You grin.

“Sorry Armin and Jean!” You laugh and fire them off. They all hone in on them, knocking them down over and over. You and Levi’s characters shoot ahead, right into first place.

“Nice one.” Levi remarks, and you grin maniacally.

Suddenly, Mario and Princess Peach’s kart comes out of nowhere, knocking you aside. “What the hell?” You demand. “How’d they catch up?”

Eren laughs. “I told you It’d come back to me eventually!” He twists his body wildly, as his characters approached a bend.

“Geez Eren, you don’t have to move your entire body, only your hands.” You laugh at his ridiculous position.

“Shut up! At least we’re beating you!” Eren snaps back, his eyes huge and gleaming with excitement and competition. Suddenly,  you hear a familiar sound, and a blue shell with wings flies over you.

“What was that?” Levi asks, frowning.

“Wait, slow down!” You yell out. Levi presses the B button, slowing down the kart.

“Look Mikasa….” Eren says, his eyes widening in wonder as he let go of the A button. “The Wings of Freedom…”

“EREN!” Mikasa practically screams. “That’s not the Wings of Freedom, that’s a homing Blue…” She’s cut off as the blue shell explodes at Mario and Peach’s kart, tosses them high up into the air.

“Go!” You shout to Levi, and he presses the A button, and the two of you speed back into first place. “It was a Blue Shell, it targets whoever’s in first place.” You explain to him. “By slowing down, we avoided getting caught in the blast.”  

“Good call then.” Levi says, grinning. “This is actually pretty fun.”

“How does it feel to fall to last place, Jaeger?!” Jean shouts, laughing wickedly.

“Fuck you Jean!” Eren howls his arms flapping wildly as he tried to steer the kart properly.

“Eren, get your character to switch places with mine, and just let me drive.” Mikasa urges.

“NO! I can do it!” He insists angrily.

You concentrate on the screen. Final lap. You and Levi are still first, but Jean and Armin are rapidly catching up. The two karts approach a bend, your characters going at maximum speed.

“Drift!” You exclaim to Levi, and he presses the R button. The kart drifts to the right, and you laugh as you characters pass through the bend safely.

Suddenly, Bowser and Toad’s Kart darts right in front of you!

“But how!” You exclaim, looking over at them in shock.

“Ha, it worked!” Armin punches the air excitedly. “We forced the two of you to go through the bend as quickly as possible, so that we could dart in and overtake you!”

You growl. Damn him and his brain…

“C’mon, faster!” You growl under your breath as you see the finish line approaching. Levi steers the kart into a question-mark box, and you groan as three green shells appear. Green shells wouldn’t automatically hone in on whoever was in front, only bounce whatever objects randomly. We’re screwed…

Then you get an idea.

“Levi, steer the kart so that you’re aligned with Armin and Jeans.” You say quietly. Levi nods, nudging the analog stick slightly to the left.

You close your eyes. Please let this work. You press the X button, and release one of the shells at them. As if it’s drawn by a magnet, it glides across the screen and smashes directly into Bowser and Toad.

“What the hell?!” Jean shouts, frantically pressing the controller and trying to regain control of the kart.

Levi tilts the stick to the right, and now your characters right behind them. You fire another green shell, scoring a direct hit.  

“How are you doing that?” Armin demands. “The green shells shouldn’t be able to hit us!”

You just smirk as you overtake them, and for good measure, launch the last green shell behind your back. “Because I have a good driver, duh.” You roll your eyes, unable to hide your smile.

Unfortunately, Jean’s able to dodge the last shell, and now the two of you are neck to neck.

“C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon……” All four of you chant, watching the characters speed towards the finish line.

In the last second, Levi smashes down on the A button as hard as he can, and your kart shoots right past the finish line, beating them by a fraction of a second.

“WE WON!!! WE WON!!!!!!” You screamed, throwing your controller up in the air and catching it. “OHMYGOSH WE WON!!!” You throw your arms around Levi and plant a huge kiss on his lips.

It’s only after a few seconds that you’re kissing your superior, and everyone’s staring at you. You break away, turning red. Levi just stares at you, his eyebrows slightly raised.

“WHAT THE FUCK’S WRONG WITH THIS GAME?” Eren screams angrily. You look over at the screen. He keeps driving into banana peels, bumping against walls, and veering into the ocean.

“You lost Jaeger! Give it up!” Jean laughs gleefully. “Next time Mikasa, you should pair up with a winner, like me.

You punch him in the arm. “Hello, Levi and I won, remember?!”

Mikasa ignores the two of you, turning back to Eren. “Eren, just let me drive!” She forcibly yanks the controller right out of his hands and concentrates on the screen.

Within seconds, she smoothly manoeuvers the characters through the obstacles and past the finish line, finishing the game.

Eren stares at the screen, growing redder and redder. “We lost…we fucking lost…” He says quietly.

Uh oh…You shy away from him, trying to create as much distance as possible between you and Eren.

He snaps.

“I FUCKING HATE THIS GAME!” He opens the Game Cube, ripping out the disk, and snapping it in half.

“This…game…is…stupid!” He shouts, continuing the break the disk into tiny little pieces, before throwing it on the ground and stalking out, still screaming out curses.

“Eren, wait!” Mikasa scrambles after him, followed by Armin and Jean. It’s only you and Levi left.

“Umm....what do we do now?” You ask tentatively.

Levi smirks. “I think I know what we can do.” He scoots closer to you, and your eyes widen. Ohmygosh…he’s going to…..he’s going to…

Hanji bursts in. “How did it go?” She asks, beaming at the two of you. “Wait…where did everyone go?” Her smile fades as she notes the cracked pieces of the disk lying on the floor.


Everyone’ head jerks up as you hear the sound of glass breaking, followed by angry voices.

“I think the game only made Eren more angry.” You say nervously.

Levi pushes himself off the ground. “I’ll go control the brat.” He says, pushing past Hanji.

He stops, and smirks at you. “Don’t go anywhere _____, I’ll be back.” He promises, before disappearing.

Hanji looked between you and Levi and bursts into peals of laughter.

“Well, at least the game was good for something.”

LOL what did I just write? This is probably the crackiest thing I’ve ever written :XD: 

And yes, TVs and Game Cubes don’t exist in the AoT universe, but for the sake of this story they do now.

The game is called Mario Kart: Double Dash, playable on Game Cube. It has almost the exact same gameplay and idea as every other Mario Kart game, only a few differences such as being able to team up in partners, where one person steers while the other one fires items.

And yes, Game Cube can only play 4 people at a time, but I’m expanding it to 6 

Eren + Mikasa: Princess Peach and Mario (Mikasa/Mario is driver)

Jean + Armin: Bowser and Toad (Jean/Bowser is driver)

Levi + You: Paratrooper and Diddy Kong (Levi/Paratrooper is driver) 

I still can't believe I did this. I had way too much fun writing this. 

If this turns out well, I think I might do one for Super Smash Bros Melee, since that game’s a classic and one of my personal favourites. And maybe I'll throw in Reiner, Bertholdt, and some other characters. What do you think? :D 

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BrokenCupcakes Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
;v; Aww <3
saxophone5673 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Student Artist
asdfghjkl so cute *u* 
Would you consider a similar one, but with smash bros??? The biggest struggle of that game is deciding who to fight as. *u* such a hard decision which such gorgeous characters...
Dragon5032 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014
I remember the one day I was having a competition.... was behind the person i needed to pass.. had a red shell shot it... A GOD DAMN GOOMBA THING GOT IN THE WAY AND COST ME THE RACE!!! EIFHFWUGFIU! x-x annwayy~
AppleMuffinPie Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
This... This was the best thing i've ever read! THERE IS NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW EPIC THIS IS! :Fav:Ika Musume (Sparkle Eyes) [V1] 
spyagent001 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014  Student Writer
Ah that was hilarious. Another!

TheFemaleBTT Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014
Oh heck no I'm driving I'm a master at this game
lancecorporalbadass Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Student General Artist
yes perfect
LaviLover5000 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
I was LOL'ing through the whole thing. GOOD JOB!!!
CydoniaKnights0317 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014
This made my day. It's friggin' hilarious. XD The Melee would be a war...
D-D-Memories Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013
I'm loving this XD
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