AoT: How to be a Badass (Armin xReader) Modern AU

Ah, school. Another regular day at Shiganshina Academy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I dislike school; it just gets so repetitive after a while. But I guess you could say I’m lucky; I’ve got great friends like Eren, Mikasa, and Jean (alright, so maybe Eren and Jean hate each other’s guts, but I still consider them my friends) and the classes are at least bearable, if somewhat boring.

Plus, there’s perks like getting to see you every day.

I’m not sure when it started. Maybe it was that one time you scored higher than me, or when we worked on that project together . But there’s no denying it, I’ve fallen head-over-heels for you. It’s funny; me, Armin Arlert, the sensitive, quiet, smart one, being driven half-insane by love.

There’s one problem though; I can’t bring myself to tell you. Because I’m scared; I don’t know how you’d respond, or if you would return my feelings. And I didn’t want it to wreck our friendship. Plus, I had no idea what kind of guy you even like. So I kept quiet, saying nothing.

                 

“I’m going to be late!” I mutter to myself, speed-walking through the halls. Almost there, I just need one more minute! Please don’t let the bell ring!

I’m about to turn a corner, but I hear a couple of voices from the other side, talking loudly to each other. I slow down, not wanting to barge in on the conversation.

“…and that one scene where he turned into a titan and completely destroyed all the others! C’mon, that  was so cool!” I hear one girl squealing, and a couple others joining in.

“I know right? It was so sick!”

“And remember when he plugged the hole? How awesome was that?”

I have to resist the urge to cover my ears as the girls shriek, reaching a decibel that only bats and dolphins would be able to hear. I knew they were talking about that new hit anime show, and I’m just about to cut in and walk through them, politeness be damned.

But then I hear your voice. “Gosh, why can’t the characters be real? I mean, they’re so badass!”

I press against the wall, hardly breathing. Badass. The words echo over and over in my mind, the same way you’d said it. So full of reverence and admiration…

The girls walk away, still talking excitedly to each other, and with a jolt, I remember that I’m going to be late for class. I turn the opposite direction, taking a different route to avoid them.

So…I guess you likes badasses. At least I know what kind of guy you like now. I smile to myself, increasing my pace.

“Arlert, you’re late for class. If you’re late again, it’ll be detention.” Mr. Shardis barks at me as I walk in, half-dazed and still absorbed in my own thoughts.

“What happened? You’re not usually late.” Mikasa whispers as I slid next to her and pull out my books. I just nod absent-mindedly, still thinking.

Just one problem.

What exactly is a badass?

                     

The bell finally rings, and class is over. I quickly pack up my things and head for the cafeteria to buy lunch before a line forms.

“Hey Eren.” I greet my friend as we line up together.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing much, same old same old.” I reply, tippy-toeing and trying to read the menu. “What are you going to get?”

“Hmm, I think I’ll get the Titan Special.” Eren says, handing some coins to the cafeteria lady. We get our meals and sit at the usual table, with Jean, Marco, and Connie. All around us, people are talking, yelling, and eating with each other. It’s perfect; everyone’s absorbed in their own conversation, so no one would pay any attention to us or overhear.

“Guys, I have a question and a problem.” I announce to the table. Everyone’s head swivels towards me.

“Wow Armin, you have a question? And you don’t know the answer?” Connie asks, his mouth bulging with food. I just scowl at him and turn to everyone else.

“Can someone please explain to me what exactly a badass is? To exactly what measure is a badass? How do you become one?”

Jean rears back, laughing. “Oh boy Armin, you must be blind." He jabs himself with a finger. “You're looking right at it; I'm the living, breathing representation of pure, undulated badassness.”

“No, you’re the pure, undulated representation of a bastard with a horseface.” Eren counters, glowering at Jean.

Jean and Eren begin their usual bickering, and I sigh, turning to Connie and Marco instead. “So, can you help me?”

“Why?” Marco asks curiously.

“Oh, nothing, I’m just to find out, that's all.” I reply vaguely, not wanting to give anything away.

Marco smiles understandingly. “Girl problems, huh? Well, maybe-"

“I know!” Connie interrupts excitedly, talking over Marco. “If you want to be a badass, you should just be like Levi!”

“Levi?” I scrunch up my eyebrows, searching around. I eventually find him, as usual surrounded by a gaggle of girls, and wearing his trademark I’m so bored look.

I frown. “I don’t know, I’m not too sure…” I begin hesitatedly.

“C’mon, think about it! Practically every single girl at school likes him, so there must be something badass about him, right?” Connie persists. “So if you want to be a badass, try being like him; emotionless and bored-looking! Act like you don’t care about anything, and girls will be all over you!”

I’m about to refuse the idea, but I hear a familiar laugh ring out above the din. My head snaps towards the source of the sound, and I see you, sitting and laughing with her friends. Your smile’s so bright and happy that I feel a clench in my heart and stomach. I want to hear that cheerful laugh again. But I want that laugh to happen because of me.  And if this was what it would take…

“Alright, I’ll give it a try.” I say to Connie.

Just as I’m about to leave, something catches the corner of my eye. Levi’s still surrounded by girls, but for a brief second, his eyes drift towards a pretty orange-blond haired girl at the table across from him, and his normal, bored expression turns a bit wistful.

So, even stoics like him have someone they care about.

                   

“Hi Armin!” You says cheerfully, sitting down next to me.

“Hi.” I say, my face composed and blank.

You frowns. “Armin, are you alright?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” I reply, my voice flat and pitchless.

“Well, if you say so…” You trail off, your face pinched with concern as Mr. Dok begins his lecture.

Throughout class, I stay quiet, not answering any of the questions. Every now and then, out of the corner of my eye, I see you glance at me. It’s working! I crow inwardly.  Soon you’ll see me as the cool, badass Armin Arlert.

Mr. Dok assigns us some group work, and I turn to you.

“So, should we get started?” You ask, picking up a pen.

“Sure, whatever.” I grutn uncommitedly. We work through the problems, and I’m careful to only give short, one-word answers.

“Armin, what’s wrong?” You burst out, throwing your pen down in exasperation. “You’re usually way more enthusiastic about this kind of stuff!”

“Armin, ___.” Mr. Dok swoops down at us. “I’d like the two of you to change partners. Armin will work with Sasha, and ___ will work with Marco.”

You push your chair back and grab your things from the table. “Armin, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but please stop, it’s really worrying me.” You toss over your shoulder before heading over to Marco.

My  heart sinks, I want to disappear from the classroom. It hadn’t worked at all; if anything, it’d completely backfired on me.

Maybe being emotionless and not caring about anything’s isn’t for me.

                     

“Jean, can you help me?” I ask him afterschool. “How do you become a badass?”

“Ha, took you long enough to come to your senses! You should’ve come to me first!” Jean slaps me on the back, laughing heartily. I wince, rubbing my shoulder.

“Well, you were a sort of busy during lunch! Anyways, can you help me?”

Jean grins. “We have some positions open on the football team. Why don’t you try out? If you make it, you’re guaranteed instant badass and coolness.”

Football. I muse to myself. I wasn’t much of a sports person, especially with my scrawny build and chicken arms.

“___’s going to be there…” Jean adds, smirking. “If you do well, she’ll be completely in awe of you.”

My heart skips a beat.

“Ok, I’m in.” I say. “How bad could it be?”

                     

It was bad. Very, very bad.

I’m lying on my bed, to sore to move. Blue-purple-black spots mat my skin, and even more are beginning to blossom out, giving me a bizarre polka-dot appearance. Great, now I’m going to look like a freak tomorrow. I scowl at the ceiling, and wincing again. Even scowling was painful.

I’m never taking Jean’s advice again. I think bitterly to myself. I never should’ve tried out. I had to go up against Reiner and Bertholdt. Reiner and Bertholdt. Both of them were gigantic, and Reiner in particular was already built like a linebacker. And who knew that gentle Berthodlt could get so aggressive when it came to football? Football is serious business indeed. And even worse, you hadn’t looked remotely impressed. If anything, you’d given me the sympathetic look throughout the whole tryouts. Badasses did not receive pity. How am I supposed to be a badass now?

The telephone rings, and I reach out to pick it up, my muscles screeching with abuse and agony.

“Hello?”

“Armin?” I hear Reiner’s voice on the other end.

“Oh, hi Reiner.” I reply sullenly, not really in the mood to talk to the person who’d tackled me more times than I cared to remember in the span of 1 hour.  

“Hi Armin.” Berholdt’s voice floats over; he must be on the other end, with Reiner.  

“What do you guys want?”

“We wanted to apologize for all the tackling and stuff at tryouts.” Bertholdt says, sounding genuinely apologetic.

“Yah. Jean told us everything afterwards.” Reiner adds, and I groan.

“Everything?”

“Everything.”

“Lovely…”

“But we feel really bad, so we want to make it up to you.” Bertholdt says, taking the phone from Reiner so that his voice is clearer. “Do you want some advice?”

I sigh, switching the phone to my other ear and pinching the bridge of my nose. Acting stoic hadn’t worked, and football tryouts had been even worse. I was getting desperate.

“Alright, what do you have in mind?”

“Well…”

                 

“Reiner, this is the riskiest thing ever.” I whisper to him. “What if we get caught?”

“Relax, I never get caught.” Reiner smirks confidently. “Get selling.”

I take the bag, gingerly pinching it between my two fingers, as if it were going to explode any second. Of course, it might as well, since the bag contained well…drugs.

I can’t believe I’m doing this! I rage to myself. This is the dumbest thing ever!

I walk to the back of the school, the dingiest and darkest place. Up until today, I’ve never been at this corner of the school; it was where the delinquents hung out. Plus there’d been rumors of a monstrous being lurking in the halls, but that was just silly myth, right?

"Here’s an idea; if you manage to sell drugs in school and get away with it, that’s pretty badass and cool!" Bertholdt had exclaimed over the phone. I’d refused at first, but Reiner had eventually worn me down. "C’mon, girls love that kind of stuff! A rebel, dare-devil person who breaks the rules and gets away with it!"

This isn’t just breaking the rules, it’s flat out illegal! But it’s too late to turn back now; I’ve made it this far, might as well see it to the end.

I walk up to a group of muscly guys, trying to keep my legs from shaking.

“So you’re the kid Braun told us about. You got the goods?” The ring leader asks, his voice deep and gravelly.

I swallow hard and raise the bag up. “Yah, I’ve got the goods.” I reply, but my voice’s all squeaky and high-pitched. The group bursts out laughing.

“First time huh? Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it eventually.” The ring leader says, rustling through his pockets for the money. I stand there, waiting impatiently. The sooner he paid me, the sooner I could leave and never come back. I swear, if I make it through this , I’ll never sell drugs again!

Suddenly, everyone freezes, not moving a single muscle, not even breathing. Their eyes fixate on something in the distance, and their pupils dilate and contract in terror.

“What? What is it?” I ask shrilly, looking around.

“Shut up! Hurry up and get out of here unless you want to die!”

Before I can even respond or blink, they turn and blend into the shadows, running further into the school.

“I don’t understand! What is it?” I shout after them, but no reply.

Thump Thump Thump

My legs freeze, and my brain shuts down. I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t even think properly. I’m going to die…what do I do?

A figure appears, towering over me, eyes gleaming down with wicked glee, face twisted up, a slasher smile on its face, and bearing down at me, coming closer and closer…

My knees give out, and the world collapses around me.

           

“Wake up Mr. Arlert. Wake up…”

I gasp, eyes flying open. “Where am I?” I ask, clawing myself upright and rubbing my eyes furiously. A distinctive odour wafts into my nose.

I’m in the nurse’s office, surrounded with the smell of antiseptic, and on top of a cool bed. I look around, trying to collect my bearings. Last thing I’d remembered was that thing in front of me…

“Good afternoon Mr. Arlert.” I turn around, and suddenly I wish I was back in that hallway.

“Principal Pixis!” I sit up, back perfectly straight and heart pounding against my chest.

“At ease.” He chuckles, and I relax a tiny bit. “Mr. Smith found you unconscious in the halls, so he brought you here.  How are you feeling?”

“Better sir.” I reply. What was that thing in the halls?

Principal Pixis clears his throat and reaches down, holding up a bag.

“He also found this next to you. Could you please explain?” He says his voice perfectly calm and even.

I open my mouth, but my lungs seemed to have collapsed in with themselves, and my throat has closed up.

“I…I was selling drugs.” I whisper, looking down at my lap. “I’m sorry.”

Principal Pixis frowns. “Arlert, that’s not like you. Why would you do something like that?”

Tears spring in my eyes. This is too much; the football tryouts, that thing I’d run into in the halls, my unrequited crush on you....everything bursts out, and next thing I know, I’m babbling to Principal Pixis the entire story.

Principal Pixis is quiet the whole time, only nodding every now and then until I finally finish my long-winded explanation.

I look down, expecting a lecture or for him to start yelling at me, or to just expel me on the spot. Then I hear chuckling.

“So, you did all of this to become a …what’s the word? Badass, and to attract ___’s attention so that she’d like you?”

I nod meekly, still looking down.

Principle Pixis chuckles again, and he reaches over to pat me on the head. “Arlert, do you want some advice? You should- actually no.” He cuts himself off. “If you really want to win ___, you’ll have to do what your heart tells you to, and I can’t just tell you what to do.” He chuckles again, the corner of his eyes crinkling. “It’s nice to be young; to make mistakes, and learn from them.”

I squirm anxiously. “I don’t understand, sir.”

Principal Pixis just laughs again. “Don’t worry, you will when you reach my age. But I think that it’s important for you young ones to learn from experience and mistakes, not just from what others tell them.”

A spark of hope lights in my heart. “So I’m not in trouble then?”

“You’re a good student Alert, and I can tell you’re not lying. And I think you’ve suffered enough as it is. So this one time, I will overlook this offense. But please bear in mind that if you are caught selling drugs again, your punishment will be severe. Good day.” Principal Pixis dips his head slightly, picks up the bag, and leaves the room.  

I let out a huge breath, gripping the side of the bed for support.

Eren had always said that Principal Pixis was a cool guy, and I could see why now.

               

Maybe I should just give up on you. I think dejectly over the next few days. I’m never going to be a badass, and you’ll probably never like me. But a part of me just couldn't let you go, and now I was completely stuck on what to do.

It’s my free period; normally I’d be in the library, finishing my homework. But it’s being renovated right now, so I’m wandering the halls, trying to find another place to work.

I turn a corner, and stop in surprise. You’re sitting on the floor, leaning against the lockers. Your head’s bent down, and you’re completely focused in your textbook. I take a step back, and you look up.

“Hi Armin.” You say, waving at me. Something’s not right though, you seem oddly subdued, and not like your usual self.  

“Hi ___, what’s up?” I ask, walking up and sitting next to you.

“Studying.” You reply, gesturing to the textbook.

“How’s it going then? Are you ready?”

“No!” You bursts out, your face tight with worry. “I don’t understand this! And we have a test, and I’m going to fail so badly, and it's going to ruin my average, and I’m going to flunk, and my parents will kill me, and-“ Your voice raises to a wail, and you’re at the verge of completely panicking.

“___, calm down.” I grab your arms. “Relax. Take a deep breath. You won’t be able to concentrate if you get worked up.”

You choke and suck in a deep breath, and then let it out.
 
“Better?” I ask.

“Better. I’m sorry, I’m so stressed out!” You wail again. “I don’t know what to do!”

“Well, let me see.” I say, taking the book from you. “Which part if confusing you?”

“This part.” You point at the text. “I don’t understand how they ended up with this answer, and I keep getting it wrong.”

I read the problem, trying to mentally solve it. It was hard,but not impossible.

“Here, let me help.” I say, taking out a piece of paper and a pencil. I work through it slowly, guiding you through the steps andexplaining everything as clearly as possible. You nod, asking question every now and then, and I try to simplify it as much as possible, and to be as concise and to-the-point.

“…and that’s how you solve it.” I finish, underlining the final answer. “Does it make sense?”

“Wow!” You says, her voice wondrous and full of awe. “Your method’s so much easier to understand and do! You make it look so easy!”

I blush a bit at your praise. “It wasn’t too hard, it’s just confusing and weirdly worded, that’s all.”

“Armin, really?” You give me an exasperated smile. “Don’t be so modest; you’re a genius. Seriously, thank you so much, you saved my life. I think I’ll be able to do it now.”

“No problem.” I say, about to get up and leave.

You hesitate and then slowly says, “um, I wanted to ask you…about the other day…”

“Oh, right.” I chuckle at the memory. “You mean the football tryouts?” It seemed so long ago, I’d honestly almost forgotten about it, in wake of all the other events.

“Not just that, but in class too, when you were all quiet and everything. Are you alright?” You ask.

“It’s nothing, it’s fine now.” I say, trying to brush the topic away, but you lean closer, your hand just touching my leg.

“Please Armin, let me make it up to you for helping me with this.” You plead, eyes begging for an explanation.

I laugh self-consciously. “Well, I was trying to be a badass and everything, so I thought that by appearing stoic and maybe making the football team, I could become one.” I confess, embarrassed at myself.

“And the drugs?” You say slyly, a sneaky smile on your face.

“How did you know?” I ask, shocked.

“Well, to be honest, Reiner and Marco told me everything.” You confess.

“What?” I yelp. “How could they?” I jump up, ready to dash out of the hall and hunt them down. I trusted them!

“Armin, wait!” You say, gripping my hand. “I just wanted to say….that I understand.”

I blink. “Wait, what?” I say, trying to process what you’d just said.

“I understand.” You repeats, also standing up. “And I just wanted to say…” You trail off, and take a  deep breath before blurting out, “That I reciprocate your feelings!”

Time freezes, and the world seems to have stopped spinning. “Wait, you do?” I ask slowly, not daring to believe it. It must be dream, I must be hallucinating.

You laugh, poking me on the side of my head. “C’mon Armin, use that brain of yours.” Your face grows redder and redder. “I like you.”

I can hardly breath. You…you really like me... “You really do?” I croak out.

The bell rings, and everyone floods out of the classrooms and into the halls.

“I gotta go, but I'll meet you afterschool at the bike racks, alright?” You say. You turn to go, but stop and turns back to me. Next thing I know, I feel a soft pair of lips brushing the side of my cheek.  

“And for the record, I think you’re very badass, for doing everything for me, and for helping me with that problem. But I like Armin Arlert for who he is, not for someone he’s not. So please don’t change. ” She whispers into my ear before melting away into the sea of students. I remain still, standing in the middle of the hall, my hands touching my cheeks.

“She…She likes me.” I stammer out to no one in particular. A huge smile breaks out on my face, and I can’t hold it back. I feel like jumping in the air, cheering and running around the school to tell everyone. I want to sing it to the world, dance around in the halls, and scream at the top of my lungs:  You, ___ likes me.

The bell rings again, and I realize I’m going to be late for class again if I don’t hurry. I walk through the halls, still smiling like a madman.

Maybe I’m not the most badass person in the world. I can’t turn into a titan, plug holes with boulders or kill titans. I might not be able to make the football team, or do anything daring or illegal. I might not have the most outstanding or coolest personality.

But you like me. That’s enough for me.

I’ve finally found out what a badass means. To be happy with who you are, and doing what you’re best at.