Another Heaven (Bertholdt x Reader) SPOILERS

The 58th Expedition.

Objective: To locate Bertholdt Fubar, Reiner Braun, and Ymir.

Also known as: The Colossal, Armored, and Dancing Titan.

             

The last time we saw them,” Keiji says, pulling out a map and unrolling it. “Was here.” He points at a green cluster on the sheet of paper. “Around the west side of the Forest of Giant Trees.”

You frown, observing the map. “But Sir, isn’t there a high possibility that they would’ve moved on by now?”

“No.” Keiji replies. “Commander Erwin believes that they are still in the general vicinity, as they have not yet succeeded in capturing Eren Jaeger. They won’t give up so easily.”

“I can attest to that.” You muttered under your breath before glancing up. “So what is my assignment then?”

“We will be stationing guards to watch over certain sections of the forest. If anyone sees Bertholdt, Reiner, or Ymir, they will fire a flare to alert the rest of the soldiers and the central formation, where Eren is. Then, we will be able to set up a counter-attack. You-” He points to a small square on the map. “Will be stationed in this area.”  

“Understood, Sir.” You say, saluting him before mounting your horse and riding away.

Before he can see the expression on your face.

                 

You arrive at your designated spot without too much difficulty. Pressing the trigger of your 3DMG, wires shoot out and latch onto a tree as you swing yourself upwards and land on a high branch. The branch is quite long and wide, giving you ample space to sit.

Below you, several titans have already begun to gather around the base of the tree. Their glazed, empty eyes stare hungrily at you. Even from high up, you could still hear their breath coming out in short, heavy pants. You shuddered, forcing yourself to look away and into the gloom of the forest instead.

Is it true? You can’t help but ask yourself now that you’re completely alone. I can’t believe it….Bertholdt and Reiner as the Colossal and Armored Titan? Ymir as the Dancing Titan?

Your nails dig into the branch of the tree, gorging deep scratch marks into the bark. How could Bertholdt be the Colossal Titan? Sweet, gentle Bertholdt? He had been one of the first people you’d befriended in the 104th Trainees Squad; maybe because you were both so quiet. But he’d been a close friend, and maybe even more, as the years passed by. As the two of you practiced hand-to-hand combat and 3DMG skills. Read and studied under the trees. Ate together in the mess hall. Almost always talking and laughing, and just enjoying each other’s company.

Was it all a lie?

A part of you couldn’t believe that. You wanted answers, explanations. To find the truth for yourself, with your own eyes and ears.

Suddenly, you hear the distinctive sound of 3DMG. You scramble to your feet, squinting and scanning the area around you. Is someone coming?

A figure breaks out from the trees, swinging high in the air. You frown, watching them move. There’s something familiar in their position and posture, the way they held their blades and shifted their weight back and forth, keeping perfect balance in the air.

Then it hits you. The distinctive style, and the long, lean body….

“Bertholdt!” Your voice rings out, before you clamp a hand over your mouth. Stupid! You internally rage. You stupid, dumb, idiotic…

The figure comes to a halt, suspended in mid-air. You fully expect it to turn and flee the opposite direction.

Instead, wires shoot out, and the figure flies towards you, landing on your branch.

“Hello ____.” Bertholdt pulls down his hood, and you heart almost stops. It’s the same black hair and the same emerald eyes. But now they’re lined with fatigue and dark circles. His face is gaunt, and his cheeks are hollowed, scratched, and scarred.

“Bertholdt.” Your voice catches in your throat, and you swallow. “Is it true?”

Bertholdt hesitates, eyes downcast. “Yes.” He whispers, taking a step towards you.

You unsheathe one of your blades, levelling it to his chest. “Don’t take another step. Don’t even move.” Your voice surprises you; it’s cold and emotionless. It doesn’t sound like you at all; more like a stranger talking out of your body. One hand holds the sword, pointed at Bertholdt, while another inches towards your belt, where your flare gun is holstered.

Bertholdt stops, his hands in the air. “Please, don’t.” He says in a low voice. “Please. I just want to talk to you, ____. 5 minutes. That’s all I’m ask for. Please.” His voice breaks and he swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

“Where are Reiner and Ymir?” You ask suspiciously, looking around.

“We got separated.” Bertholdt’s voice cracks. “When the titans attacked, we got separated, and now I can’t find them; they’re gone. I’m alone now.”  His gaze drifts towards your feet. “Please_____. I want to talk to you.” His voice is desperate and bleak, filled with hopelessness and sadness.

You hesitate, and then nod, lowering your sword. “5 minutes Bertholdt. That’s all.”

Bertholdt sits down on the branch, his eyes fixated on you. “I’ve missed you, _____” He says in a soft voice.

“I missed you too Bertholdt.” You whisper back.

Now was your chance. You could finally get the answers you wanted. That closure that you’d desired for weeks.

But the questions won’t come to your mind. They’re swirled and jumbled together, like a massive storm.

Because what could you say to him? What could possible account for or justify his betrayal? Or even begin fix the relationship between you two?

“Why?” It’s a simple question, but you can’t bear the silence any longer. “Why did you do it, Bertholdt?”

Bertholdt scratches a piece of bark off the branch, playing with it. “Because it’s my duty. It’s my job.”

“You don’t have to do this!” You burst out involuntarily and recklessly. “You don’t have to be the Colossal Titan! You can still help humanity; you don’t have to work to destroy it!”

Bertholdt rears back and tilts his head up, laughing mirthlessly. A shiver runs up your spine; it’s not his kind and gentle laugh; it’s a bitter laugh, full of hatred and anger. “Don’t have to? _____, I don’t have a choice! They gave me this power, they chose me! I was given this responsibility!"  

You freeze, not even daring to breath.

“___, do you think I want to do this? Do you think I like killing people? Betraying my friends? Hurting you?” Bertholdt demands, growing more and more agitated.

“____, my whole identity might be a lie, but don’t you dare think that my feelings towards you and our friends was. I truly enjoyed our time together!” Bertholdt’s voice rips through the air, sending several birds flying away, chirping and singing.

You take a deep breath, trying to slow your heartbeat. “Come back Bertholdt. “ You whisper. “Come back with me. If you surrender peacefully, Erwin won’t kill you. You can help humanity. You can give us information, and we can protect you from the people who’re forcing you to do this.”

Bertholdt laughs darkly. “____, I can’t. Someone has to do this.” He says his voice firm and definite.

“Then why are you here?” You challenge him, before sighing heavily. Suddenly, you feel weary and tired, as if all the energy had drained out of your body. “Go.” You pointed into the dark forest. “Leave. Don’t come back.” Suddenly, you couldn’t bear to face him anymore.

Because now you understand. There’s no amount of words or actions that could possibly repair the bond between you and Bertholdt. It was broken and gone forever.

Bertholdt walks to the edge of the branch, his head bowed. Suddenly, he stops.

“___, it doesn’t have to end like this.” He says, turning back towards you. His eyes, which had been dull and dead, now shimmer with a speckle of hope.

His next words make you freeze.

“You could come with me. Come back to my hometown with me. We could be together again, like the old days.”  

You freeze, trying to take in his words. He…wants me to come with him?

You hated yourself for it, but a part of you wanted to go with him. To stay by his side and to never lose him again. To feel his presence against yours, his constant warmth and protection.

But you couldn’t.

“I can’t.” You say, lifting your chin steadfastly. “I can’t. I’m a soldier, Bertholdt.” Your fingers curl into a fist as you hold it to your heart. “I dedicated my heart to humanity, and to destroying the titans. I can’t turn my back on that.”  

Bertholdt sighs, running his hands through his hair. “I figured you’d say so.”

Suddenly, twin blinding flashes of lightening rips from the sky, crashing into the earth behind you. You turn towards it, eyes wide as it reflecting off the clouds and the bright sunlight. The air becomes charged, as if an electrical current has run through it, and the ground shakes, almost throwing you off balance.

Wait…lightening....behind me…that makes no sense…it’s not possible…

The puzzle pieces fall into place.

“You…” You whip back towards Bertholdt, eyes stretching even wider with disbelief. “You tricked me. You distracted me, so that Reiner and Ymir could sneak around me. You were never separated from them in the first place.”

Bertholdt opens his mouth to speak, but suddenly, your hear screams and cries from the distance.

“Please, no!”

“I don’t want to die!”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Noo!”

The screeches are horrible, filled with pure, primal fear, pain, and agony. It makes you want to curl up into a ball, squeeze your eyes shut, and cover your ears. To do anything to escape the cacophony surrounding you.

Suddenly, contrasting against the screams, you hear a low chuckle behind you.

You turn around, to see Bertholdt burst into uncontrollable laughter. He drops to his knees, laughing even harder and clawing at his hair.

He’s not Bertholdt Fubar anymore. Maybe he never was. Instead the man you see before you is completely deranged and insane, only wearing the mask of the boy you once knew and loved. No, the mask of the boy you thought you’d knew and loved.

You’d been in love with an illusion the entire time.

Anger and hatred boils within you. I trusted…I believed him…

“You-” You take a step forward, drawing your swords. Your hands aren’t shaking anymore; on the contrary they were now completely steady, not quivering in the least.

“I hate you!” You lunge at Bertholdt, pointing the tips of the blades at his chest. To pierce his heart and destroy it. To make him suffer for everything he’s done, not only to you, but to your comrades, and to the innocents. To the thousands upon thousands who died because of him.

Your blade never reaches its destination.

He moves so fast you can’t comprehend what happens next. One second you’re lunging at him, and next he’s grabbed you by the throat, swinging you out into open air. Your swords falls to the ground several dozen meters below.

The titans are at their feet now, arms outstretched, trying to grab your legs. Their mouths are opened wide, eyes devoid of anything but the desire to chew, rip, and eat you.

Your windpipe contracts and you can’t breathe at all. Black spots dance along the edge of the vision, growing larger and larger. Your eyes roll upwards, the blood rushing out of your head, and you feel like it’s going to explode from the sheer pressure.

Bertholdt’s grip slightly loosens, dropping you lower.  

“No-” You choke out, desperately clawing at his arm. You cling on to it as tightly as you could, refusing to let go. Please…don’t…I don’t want to die!

Suddenly, his arm retracts, and you’re thrown back onto the branch.

You crawl onto all fours, retching and coughing, massaging your throat. The dark spots slowly recede, and you can make out blurs around you.

“You held onto my arm tighter. You didn’t want to die.” Bertholdt says, dropping down next to you.

“And you say your duty is to humanity. That you will die for humanity’s sake.” Bertholdt laughs coldly. “If that’s true, you should’ve alerted everyone right from the beginning. You should’ve embraced your death, rather than beg for mercy. You’re pathetic, ____. Just like every other human. I thought you were different, but I guess I was wrong.”

“You talk as if you yourself aren’t even human.” You say between coughs, as you retch again. Your windpipe is still closed and constricted, rendering you helpless and hardly even able to breathe, let alone talk properly.

You feel a light pressure pressing against you, and something soft grazing your ear. “Ah, but you see, I’ve already given up that part of me.” Bertholdt whispers. “Just like everything I said before; it’s nothing to me now. It no longer exists. My humanity is gone, along with anything related to it.”

He stands up, walking to the edge of the branch. You try to reach out and grab him, but he easily slips out of your grasp, the hem of his shirt slipping through your fingers.

“I’m not going to kill you, _____, because someone needs to watch the world burn.”

You blink, staring, but not really seeing, as he presses the trigger, and wires shoot out.

“Good-bye _____. I’ll see you in another heaven.”

Bertholdt disappears amongst the trees, flying towards the ever-present screams and cries in the distance.

He doesn’t look back.